Chemo Treatment – Last Dose

It’s hard to think about treatments without my stomach swirling. This concoction of medications are here for a reason and I am so grateful that my life can be extended through its availability, but wow has it had its effects.

I can honestly say that I am not the same person prior to the day of my diagnosis, and I don’t think I ever will be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still me, but there are defining moments that change us and this is one of them.

Today, I was able to reach the second milestone in my journey of defeating cancer. Chemotherapy treatment is done!!!

In total, there were 8 rounds which in comparison to some sitting in the infusion room is a drop in the bucket. There are warriors who will come to sit in those chairs until their life concludes. For me, I am blessed my story is different.

Now it’s about walking each day in purpose knowing there is a greater story to tell. Working to help those who are beginning their journey.

I’ve been zoning in on the book of Isaiah the last few weeks. This is an Old Testament prophet from the Bible who had tremendous trust in the Lord. He and his people walked through extreme circumstances, but stood firm on the commitment God has for us.

This book is one that introduces many names expressing Gods’ ultimate being. One name that has resonated with me is Jehovah Rapha. This name means HEALER. Nearly 700 years before Jesus would enter the world, Isaiah wrote “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

Jehovah Rapha has the power to heal physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. The brokenness of our bodies and souls can’t withstand the healing power of our God.

This may look different for each individual, but trusting in the power of God and striving less in self pursuits brings me peace and I can rejoice in that today.

To all the amazing nurses that saw me through this journey I am forever grateful for your comfort and commitment. These women and others like them are true angels on earth.

And to the man of my dreams, my husband, who saw me through every step of the way. See I’m stubborn and won’t allow anyone else to see me in such a vulnerable light. He has managed so much and in the face of adversity stayed steadfast and so caring.

I am so grateful for all the prayer warrior who saw me through to this day. All the encouraging texts, calls and gifts. It feels great to know I have an army of support behind me…lifting me up daily. I have so much love in my heart for you!

Please keep your prayers going as I will have a month off before radiation starts.

This Life Takes Character

Character is something that is developed. We aren’t necessarily born with it, but as our personalities begin to shine through, we experience the world around us, there are traits, morals, values and qualities we pick up along the way. We learn these from our parents, through life lessons in childhood and the independence of adulthood. As we grow older our relationships inform our being for the good and bad. All molding our character and making us who we are. Life is going to make us or break us.

But when you are able to lay down life’s burdens it becomes easier to see life as a blessing. The “breaking us” part becomes more unlikely.

Life truly is a gift and we are the stewards. Each and every day we manage or supervise this gift we have been given. We had no control over our birth, and we will not have control over our death, but the in between is where we have the privilege to navigate through this journey.

One of my favorite musicians, Katy Nichole, has a song that outlines the gift of life under God’s love.

How great this love
Oh, it’s moving all my mountains
This perfect love, it’s casting out my fear
How great this love
Oh, it welcomes me like family
And anywhere I go, it meets me there

He is good, and He is God
What I earned, it’s not what I got
And He is just, yet oh so kind
What I deserve, it’s not what I find
What more could I say about Him?
My God is love

How great this love
Oh, it’s faithful through my failures
This trusted love is with me ’til the end
How great this love
Oh, it’s closer than a brother
This is love, He died so I could live…

Living a life that leans on God’s love feels as if burdens can be released. Difficult situations have a clear pathway to outcome and if they don’t I can trust the answer will come soon.

It feels like fear can be squashed; it’s welcoming, Jesus meets me where I’m at…It is abundant. I have more than I could ever ask for or imagine. He is faithful and I don’t deserve Him, but he is mine.

Now, obviously this life is not rainbows and butterflies “You may be saying, you don’t know what I’m going through. I have no idea how any of this could be true.”

The key is – it’s not on our time table. My plans are great, but God’s plans are better. Life will continue to throw us lemons. And character is when we lean into Christ and turn those lemons into lemonade. Remember, we are stewards.

As we’re acting as stewards for our lives, we can practice wearing the character of Christ. Drawing us closer to Him. There was a King named Lemuel from the Bible and his mother imparted some wisdom as he was navigating life and looking for a wife. Proverbs 31 walks us through this women’s great wisdom on living life. One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 31:25-26:

Strength and honor are her clothing; and she will rejoice in the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom; and her tongue is the law of kindness.

It’s 2 sentences that have so much goodness overflowing from the words. It is my prayer for myself as I navigate through a difficult season of completing chemotherapy. Yesterday, I finished my 5th treatment. I have no hair, fatigue is a new norm. There are a thousand things I can complain about because this is not how I want life to look for me or anyone else. As I walk this reality I want others to see the character of Christ in me.

I want to be clothed in His strength.

I relish in the blessings now, but I rejoice in the time to come. The time when I am cancer free. The time my boys grow up to become amazing independent humans. The time goals are accomplished and travel plans realized, but ultimately I rejoice in the time when I will meet my maker.

I want to always speak from a place of wisdom. Sharing words that have weight and produce change.

I always want to show and share kindness. I truly believe kindness is the cousin to love. And my God is love, therefore I want to exude love.

Additional Note: I have been working and going through chemo at the same time. It hasn’t been easy, but I have so many amazing co-workers who have been caring for me in this season. Therefore, writing has been difficult, both because of the brain fog chemo creates and time is limited. I so appreciate you reading and all those reaching out and sharing love and encouragement. Please continue to pray for me as I will have 3 more treatments, a month off and then radiation every weekday for 5 weeks.

When I’m at my weakest…

I’m 3 days away from the New Year and entering my 3rd round of chemotherapy. Trust me when I say this process has been the hardest, most difficult thing I’ve encountered in my life. Cancer sucks!

It’s felt like a slow deletion of my body. I don’t look like or feel like my former self, physically. Just when I gain the strength to feel half way normal again, it’s time to get knocked back down.

After meeting with the doctor, she said “we are throwing everything we’ve got at you.” All the nausea meds on the market, are being taken around the clock. It takes the edge off, but feeling this sick for nearly a week, every other week makes me feel so weak.

But I’m doing it. Every time, I’m doing it.

My hair started falling out about 2 weeks ago. I got sick of finding hair everywhere and my husband helped me shave it off. The hair falling out messed with my mind. It was emotional. Now that it’s short enough, there is not as much of a hardship as it continues to escape the follicles where it belongs.

I keep reminding myself it’s all physical. My inner being is maintaining with the help of my Savior. Isaiah 40:29 has been a solace for me these last few weeks. Helping me know when I am weary, He is strong and gives me strength.

So as the New Year rings in, my resolution will be to complete treatment. In 2024, I will allow my spirit to be transformed. I will remember to give others gratitude for the many blessing they are pouring on our family.

I have to give huge shout out to my husband who has picked up so much. He buzzed my hair like a champ. Has loved on me and our boys. Always encouraging and uplifting me on the good and the bad days. Reminding me this cancer is not our forever, just our present. With the Lords strength and a small army of support, round 3 will be behind me and that much closer to the end of chemotherapy.

Prayers that your family has a happy and healthy New Year!

Office Makeover – IKEA Hack

My husband and I have an addiction. We love a good transformation, especially when it comes to our home and the spaces we spend time living.

When we moved into our house, the former owners who had inhabited the place for 30 years, had done well with maintenance, but hadn’t updated things to this century.

This is a visual of the office prior to move in. It is a great space right off the entry.

Loads of natural light, but chalked full of stuff. Before our family moved in we were blessed with some time where the whole house could be painted and refreshed. We were lucky the flooring on the main level was beautiful and once the room was emptied out and cleaned, they sparkled.

My husband works from home several days a week, so an office space is a necessity. He has been working on folding tables or make shift spaces since COVID while at home. After being in our home for a year, we decided to tackle the office as our next moderate project.

We followed in the Pinterest trends and tried out an IKEA hack for the shelving. After months of research, we found this was the most cost effective way to give us the built-in look we desired. Here is a quick time-lapse of us putting together the Havsta shelves and bookcase.

We built 5 Havsta bookcases and 5 Havsta shelves. One trick we did when stacking them in place was to flip the bookcase upside down and add the footer for a small extra $ to give it more height.

The Havsta materials have a white primer coat on the real pine wood but everything needed a few more layers of white. So we used Sherwin Williams white trim paint to give the back wall and shelves a crisp, clean look.

A few things we did to make this hack actually look built-in:

1. We bought 12- 1×24” pine board from Lowe’s. Treated them by lightly sanding and then painting 3 sides, then used wood glue to attach them to each meeting point covering the obvious seams.

2. We changed the knob placement. The predrilled knobs in the Havsta model were dead center for each bookcase. Instead we wanted a more modern look. So we used wood filler to cover those holes up. Bought some cute black handles from Wayfair and drilled new holes to place the handles at the top of our cabinets.

3. A small but important step was spray painting the silver book shelf brackets black. This allowed the accent elements to all be cohesive.

4. We added trim detail! This was the step that lead me to believe this is a custom piece. We added a thin trim piece to the lip, hiding the natural ends, facing out for each cabinet. We also completed the floor trim to match the rest of the room. And the most important trim piece was a beautiful header to make it look as if this bookcase was meant for this house.

So glad we decided to do this IKEA hack. With some tweaks, we were able to make a beautiful built-in that will withstand years of good use.

Best-Laid Plans

So I can’t even think about treatment without a small gag reflex. Chemotherapy was not kind to me.

The waves of nausea really felt more like waterfalls of nausea. On day one, around 3:00pm, I could be found on the bathroom floor. The cold feeling against the tile gave me some relief, but it was just a taste of the next few days.

Thankfully, I was set to come back to the oncologist for a shot on day 2. While I was in, my amazing nurse was able to call in a few more prescriptions for nausea meds. The new meds mixed with my steroids on days 3, 4 & 5 helped. It wasn’t gone, but bearable. Plus there was sleep – lots of sleep on these days. I am pretty sure I was asleep for nearly 36 straight hours. Woke up around 2 AM one morning when my body had found a sufficient amount of rest and walked around the house unsure what to do with life.

Chemo was the pits!

Days 6 & 7, the nausea came back full force, but my body was too dehydrated. My nurse was able to get me in for IV fluids for 3 straight days which provided the relief needed to overcome this first round.

Today, I get to go in for round 2. The plan this time is slightly different. A mix of different nausea medications and IV fluids earlier.

The “plan” didn’t work out how I had expected originally. I was hoping to get back to work on day 6 at the latest. Instead it was day 8 before I’d gained the strength work again.

I know I need to have patience, but I enjoy having control too. I like having a plan and sticking to it.

The lesson I learned from round 1:

My best-laid plans may not work out and that’s ok.

Have grace for my body, mind and spirit. Each part of me is doing loads of work right now.

Continue to care for others as much I can, because that’s what fills my cup.

Enjoy the good days.

Here are some images of the good days!

Chemo Treatment – 1st Dose

I’m sitting here in the chair. All snuggled up.

First, came a flush through my chemo port. About 2 days ago, I went for a brief procedure to get a port placed in my chest. This port is a quick access point for all the medications to be pumped into my system. Here is an x-ray of my chest with a great reference of what it actually looks like.

The center is filled with silicone and the tube weave through my primary artery stopping right above my heart.

Personally, I think this picture is pretty sweet. This procedure seems serious, but literally took 10 minutes and I was awake! – sedated, but awake. It’s been two days since my port went in and it’s going to get some solid use over the next few months.

Today, it was accessed for the first time. Two doses of anti- nausea, and steroids. Next, Adriamycin – a chemo serum nicknamed the “red devil.” Then, the last bag was filled with Cytoxan, the second batch of chemo medication for round one.

In total it took about 4 hours from start to finish. I’ll continue to share side effects as they come, but for today, some tightness, headache and groggy feelings. Plus some sudden feelings of vomiting and hot flashes.

This day started with a phone call and prayer with my mom. I woke up around 2 am and was struggling to get back to sleep…the nerves wouldn’t let go. As I laid there, I thought as soon as I know she’s awake I’m going to ask her to pray over me.

If you’ve never experienced this healing power before, being prayed over feels like a complete drench of relief…(think ALS challenge back in 2014.) Especially, my mom’s prayers which have a little extra sprinkling of goodness.

Yesterday, a friend and co-worker of mine prayed over me. Then on our way to the center by husband prayed over me too and I’m telling you the power of prayer is unbelievable. I know there are so many praying for me and I am so grateful.

See normally I’ve been on the giving end of prayers for others so having the opportunity to be receiving this love and support from others is incomprehensible.

After taking the kids to school, I had just a little bit of time and put on some worship music, sat in my chair and opened up my devotion, which was titled, “God Fights for You.” It was centered around 2 Chronicles 20:15.

Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.

The chapter is about this king, and there are 3 different camps of enemies lining up to attack. Terrified he begs God for help. He and his army pray, telling Him, we are powerless against this enemy and we don’t know what to do, but our eyes are on You (v.12).

It goes on to say that God told the king not to be afraid, because the battle wasn’t his but God’s – “station yourself and stand and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf.” (v.17)

So the king did just that, he took himself and his army and rejoiced to God, and He handled the rest.

Talk about a divinely timed devotion for today, my first chemo day! I felt just like this king. Ready to surrender this cancer battle to God and let Him do all the fighting. But wait the story of His goodness doesn’t stop there.

My family and closest friends surprised me today with a chain of messages and videos occurring every hour. It started with my mom and dad. Then my sister, brother and niece, next my brother and sister, then my mother and father-in-law (mom and dad P) and sister, another sister, my grandma, another grandma, then my sister, brother and nephew (yes, I have a big family) and the next message was of my bestie and her family out in Oregon. Then a sweet photo of my brother, sister and their 4 boys. ALL of them were wearing sweatshirts that read…

It was the biggest and best surprise that made my day! Literally, brought me to tears multiple times. I am so grateful for all their love, encouragement and support, because today was hard. But one round is done, and I can stand confidently, with a front row seat to the salvation of my Lord as this cancer gets defeated.

Prayer for the Year Ahead

Today is my 36th birthday. I’m so grateful for this day. For the life that I have lived. It’s truly hard to believe all the blessings that have been poured into my life.

This past week, I was able to go back to work. I’m currently in a sweet spot between healing and the next phase of treatment. It feels so good to get back to some routine. Doing what I love.

In just under a week, I will get my chemo port put in place and just over a week from today, my first chemo session will begin.

My mind often starts spinning with all the questions. What is chemo going to feel like? How will this effect my boys? How is my husband doing? When will my hair fall out?

The anxiety and worry of all the unknowns and uncontrollable outcomes can easily begin to take root and settle in my consciousness; stealing the moment, stealing my present.

But, I don’t want worry to steal the existence I have been given today. Don’t get me wrong, I could find a hundred things to complain about. In no way is my life perfect. And guess what, it never will be. It’s my automatic wiring pushing me to control all the unmanageable realities of life.

As I’ve gotten older I am able to recognize the signals of anxiety I produce. As my brain and body begin the spiral of anxious thinking…it’s been natural for me to strap in and ride the rollercoaster through steep slopes and tight turns. It wasn’t until my thirties that I began to grasp enough awareness to stop these thrill rides and control the speed of my emotions.

One thing that has helped me immensely is prayer. Often times, I turn to prayer to offload all the unknowns and lay them down. This year I actually started a prayer journal. It has been so helpful to write out and even more helpful to reflect on my daily life.

The prayer journal has been a helpful tool acting as a reminder for what I have asked for and what God has provided.

One of my very best friends gave me an incredible birthday gift that brought tears to my eyes. It was a verse framed saying, “Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice.” Philippians 4:4.

This week more than most weeks throughout the year, we are all feeling a bit more thankful and ready to rejoice. We have Thanksgiving right in the forefront of our mind. Ready for yummy food, family time; all wrapped in grateful hearts.

Rejoicing this time of year is great. Rejoicing always is essential. Because the Lord is near. He is ready to turn your wildest ride into a tranquil stroll.

He wants you to come to Him with your requests, your worries, your hardships, your needs and your wants. Then an incomprehensible peace will protect your heart and mind. Im serious…read the picture above.

I know I could use all the peace I can get in life. Don’t you? This life is a hot mess on a good day.

The reality is with my situation, breast cancer diagnosis and bilateral mastectomy at 35; chemo, radiation and reconstruction surgery at 36, possible removal of my ovaries, endocrine therapy, and on… I shouldn’t be feeling peace. But the thing is I can’t remember a time I have been more at peace.

I have surrendered completely to the Lord and He is taking care of me like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. It’s hard to put the various events into written words.

So my prayer:

Lord you are above all and know all. You are the same yesterday, today and forever. Please be with me; guide and protect me. Help me to lean on you when this journey gets too hard. Please be with my family. Strengthen them. Give them patience and comfort. Be with those who are hurting. Allow me to find connections and resources with the individuals I work with to meet their needs. Use me in ways only you can dream up. And Lord, please be with me as the next phase of treatment begin. Give my body and mind the strength to see this through. Provide rest and restoration. Fill my spirit with joy…and wash me with peace.

Love you Jesus,

Gina

Drains Came Off!: Step Toward Joy

After 18 days, I am happy to announce the drains came off! I called my surgeon’s office Friday morning right when they opened. My output had reduced significantly over the last 3 days. I was hopeful I didn’t have to wait until today (Monday) for my next appointment to get the canisters and drains removed. Another weekend with tubes connected to my body and 2 young boys was a bad combo.

I called taking a chance and was given some hope. The nurse said the doctor was in surgery, but she would run it by him and call me back in an hour.

The video above is me on the phone with the nurse. She was telling me the doctor would see me at 11:00AM.

The drains were coming off!!!! I was beyond thrilled!

Now 3 days out from those drains being removed, I can honestly say waiting for that moment took forever. And Friday, yes, I was on cloud 9. As the clock kept ticking, the reality sunk in that my chest still hurt. I’m still tired. Getting the drains removed helped, but it didn’t cure anything.

It was a tangible step that was visible, but it didn’t magically get me back to being me.

There’s no magic pill or act that will autocorrect this situation. Personally, my brain wouldn’t mind transporting to the days of VHS to rewind this cassette of life back a bit and eject, or record over with some kind of romantic comedy. It’d be a heck of a lot easier for this hardship to be removed, or erased from my life.

The Lord has honestly been preparing me for this period of time for a while. I had a nudge that turned into a push to start this blog about a year ago. I didn’t know why this idea was being placed on my heart. I am a pretty private person…bordering on secretive. This idea of putting personal information out there for the world to see is freaking scary.

Evidence: My 2023 New Year’s resolution was to ditch social media. I made it all the way to October! This is the most successful I’ve been at a resolution. Once I overcame the addictive impulse to find the apps that had disappeared from my Home Screen, it was no problem. I had so much more time on my hands.

So why in the world would I have had a push to start a blog?

There is this tradition I have , where every year I identify a word to focus and meditate on. My word of the year for 2022 was steadfast. Being steadfast was hard for me. My husband will tell you that my emotions, plans and thoughts can be hot and cold; committing to even small decisions usually happens at the last minute because I can’t make up my mind. Being steadfast, unwavering is not naturally in my wheelhouse. But my word for 2023 had come early…Rejoice. I was actually excited about this word! Joy comes way more naturally for me, so rejoice…rejoicing sounded great!

As references in my “2023 Word of the Year”post from 12/27/22.

Joy is my fruit of the spirit…the one I connect with the most. So “this is going to be a piece of cake” my 2022 self thought. Little did I know, but He knew what was coming. I don’t believe that this diagnosis was from God, but I do believe that God is going to use it for His glory.

I found a note in my bible yesterday from years ago that said, “What is your purpose?: Your Be??” It was a note to myself. One of Christ’s perfectly timed reminders when I was having a hard day.

The answer to my purpose that I had written years ago:

Be more like Christ

Be for others

Be sweet…

(Trust in Jesus’ plan, even when unknowns come)

This life, it’s not about me. It’s about glorifying my Father. Abiding in Jesus produces true joy which = true freedom. Freedom from the weight of hardship, freedom from weight of struggle, freedom from the weight of trauma…cause life, life is HEAVY!

We have a choice. We can choose to allow life’s challenges to easily callus our hearts and minds. Harden us from recognizing anything as beautiful. Or we can choose joy.

It’s not easy. It’s probably; actually quite possibly the more difficult path, even when it comes more naturally for some. It’s going to take small daily steps. One foot in front of the other.

So what step are you going to take? What choice are you going to make? What is your purpose? I challenge you to create your “BE’s” Your personal principles for existence.

I’ve literally been taking walks around the the cul-de-sac each day during recovery. And everyday I take a few more steps then I did the day before. I started out just going down to the mailbox, now I’m almost able to make it to the next street.

The reality is we are all in “recovery” from something. You may not have breast cancer, but you have some hardship, loss, addiction or challenge you’re facing. Often times it feels constant. Each thing after the next, day-in and day-out. Our desire may be to throw in the towel…bow out and turn cold.

Instead, let’s choose the path of joy. Create purpose filled steps to stay sweet while facing the adversity of life. Rejoice, it’s beautiful!

Rejoice in Today:

My path results came back. While I was meeting with my oncologist, she shared some updates to my treatment plan. There were numbers and percentages, words being thrown around, and I really wasn’t hearing everything. See she said there were 5 tumors found – 4 of which were invasive. Invasive means that the cancer has grown outside the walls of the duct it originated in. We knew of 3 cancerous tumors prior to surgery. Now that my breasts have been fully examined, 5 tumors were identified in the left.

So I’m sitting there praising God because the doctor pivoted to the mastectomy. Doing the math, 2 additional tumors were found after numerous ultrasounds and multiple MRIs.

The next nugget my brain picked up was hearing the 2 sentinel lymph nodes (hypothetical first lymph nodes draining a cancer) taken during the bilateral mastectomy came back positive for cancer as well. There had been discomfort in my left armpit for months honestly. So I wasn’t too shocked to learn this news, but disappointed because I know this isn’t good.

About a week or so ago I did get the CT and bone scan results back, and those came back clear so it does appear that this has not metastasized past the lymph nodes.

I asked for my path results to be printed. I like transparency and knowing the specific details. The oncologist quickly hit print to give me some light reading for the ride home, but before doing so, the words “what this means for treatment” came next.

Over a month ago, I had learned a mastectomy was necessary. Great, I’m one week out recovering. Done checked off the list. I have these nasty expanders in me concaving anytime they get too cool or too hot, but I’ve taken the step. Next, I already know chemo is coming. 8 sessions over 16 weeks. Starting the last week of November.

But wait there is more. She shared radiation would need to follow…every weekday for 5 weeks after chemo. Since the lymph nodes tested positive radiation would need to follow.

What…come again…I really didn’t want to have to do chemo, but I’ve accepted it. Now radiation too.

So needless to say this road just got longer.

The only other time in my life that I have struggled like I am now was in 2019-2020. I had given birth to our 2nd child and postpartum depression hit me hard (COVID – didn’t help either). Through a combination of Zoloft, counseling and a women’s bible study group, I found my way out. It was hard, but it taught me valuable life giving lessons.

I use the knowledge I gained from that experience on a daily basis when I work with youth walking through depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges.

In my office at work, I have a quote that says, “I don’t want you to save me, I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.” Not exactly sure who said it first, but I use this quote often when talking with people about overcoming life’s challenges. Last night, I was reminded by my sister who is so good with words that…I am the one who has to do the work, I’ve got to fight this battle, but there is an army of people by my side holding me upright.

My Savior and Lord has been right by my side. I’ve never felt closer to Him. He reminded me of the scripture I would run to in 2019…Psalms 23.

And over the last two months, my cup has literally been OVERFLOWING. Jesus is preparing a table for me to sit right next to this cancer, and I am being anointed. People far and wide are praying over me. Every need is being filled.

My husband, the love of my life, my forever bff, my rock, has dropped everything and picked up so much. I’ve never been more in love with him than I am now. I didn’t even know that was possible. He is seriously the best man and best example for our boys taking care of me. Showering with me – holding my drains, drying my body, dressing me, making food for me, tucking me in, doing daily tasks with love and grace.

My friends are bringing meals. Some time between 4:30-5:30 dinner arrives at our front door. It is a huge blessing. They are sending me playlists, dropping off books, gifts, cards and more. It seems every day a new surprise arrives. Texts come at just the right moments.

My family is stepping in with taking the boys for fun “camp outs” and Fall festivities, sitting with me, allowing naps while distracting my babes, sending cards, flowers, and giving me encouragement daily.

So no matter how long this road goes, I know to the core of my being…I will not want, my soul will be restored, He will lead me on this path of righteousness for His name, and even though I walk through dark times, I will not fear. I am going to accept His mercy and lie down and rest as He stills the waters.

This experience has already taught me to live each day with purpose. Appreciate the moment you are in. Don’t think about and plan all the way to March, but instead enjoy October 27th.

Rejoice that you are living and let life be giving. And if you are reading this, I hope you do the same. Breathe a bit deeper today. Be still and rejoice in today.

Sending all my love,

Gina

Diagnosis Update 10/19/23

I’m 2 day out from surgery. I’ve been resting a lot. My body is feeling a decent amount of pain. I have a canister on the right and left collecting fluids from each breast.

These canisters are basically like liter size containers with tubes running to my sides.

You can see in this picture the shoulder straps and black wraps holding each canister. They are filling up with fluid. Once full, we just hook up a new set of canisters. The system that’s inside was described as a vacuum. The tubes are stitched in to my sides making it feel very secure. That was one thing others described as worrisome, not wanting the tubes to get yanked or pulled. Thankful my anxiety is very low in this area. Just obviously want these tubes and canisters gone, but I’ll deal while I have to.

Seeing my new body for the first time was a shock. Tears streaming down my face. My husband, the man of my dreams was right beside me with the reminder “you are still you”, “you are beautiful.”

This diagnosis definitely not what I wanted but I am grateful to have caught the cancer early and grateful for amazing doctors who know what they are doing.

I do have expanders in. These are devices used to hold the place of my skin while treatments occur. Reconstruction will likely be on pause until after chemotherapy. I already know that I hate these expanders. No women would have been behind this product. It feels like someone crumbled up plastic wrap and stuffed it in my chest. Needless to say it’s not comfortable. And I learned a huge lesson today don’t get them cold! Ouch!!! I’ll spare you any more details.

On a lighter note, through this process I am feeling so much love. My amazing friends and co-workers shared a video today they made for me with positive messages of support as so many wore pink. This gift meant the world to me. I am so grateful for the backing of so many prayer warriors and family who are ready to step in at a moments notice. Never felt so loved in all my life.

Taking this one day at a time. I was able to shower today. So many beautiful flowers have been delivered. I ate dinner downstairs with my family. These are wins that I will take into the next 24 hours.